My answer to What are some dating customs in South Australia?
Answer by Desmond Last:
I believe the following dating customs are common to all Australians including the South Australian.
The Male will always attend his first date in surfing shorts and thongs. He will be accompanied by his mate who will say “Cor mate she is a bit of OK. I bet she goes like a V8 on metho”.
Even though he has a beer belly and cannot hold a conversation unless it is about the footie, he perceives all women who when they are not in the kitchen, to be his right to chat-up.
The Male will then proceed to get drunk, completely ignore his first date and drink himself unconscious.
The female will think he is a ‘man’ and spend the whole date telling her girlfriends how gr8 he is because he drinks like a real man.
The first attempt at any form of sexual contact will be preceded by the words from the male “ Right then open up and let the dog see the rabbit”
Any attempt to enjoy the contact will be met with the stern request to “stop all that moving about I can’t see the footie on telly”.
Subsequent dates will be with the male still accompanied by his mates, who have been getting a running commentary on any physical contact by live mobile phone and public showing of his beer gut.
At any dinner date the male will wear surf shorts and an old t-shirt and thongs. The female will be dressed to the nines and watch as he again drinks himself unconscious.
If they try to dance they will appear to be dancing some sort of kangaroo dance – as Australasian males cannot dance. She will need hospital treatment as she has had her feet trampled by him.
The beer gut is an essential part of the Australasian males mating system . He is constantly showing it to everybody and rubs it when talking to the female.
His other mating ritual is to scratch his balls as he walks with her. This reminds him that it is Friday night and time for sex before the Football on TV.
All sex is finished by the words “What time is the footie on”
Pillow talk is restricted to “Are you ready?”
The females is not allowed to give any opinion other than comments that do not threaten his fragile masculinity.
She of course does not care if he is not very attentive, as her lesbian girlfriends are.